"Mommmmmm, Phineas and Ferb are making a title sequence!!!"

Today, I'll attempt to explain the SECOND part of my title:  Finding Fortitude in Daily Folly.  I'll be honest-- it was hard to come up with a "subtitle" when I'm not quite sure yet where this blog is headed.  I toyed around with "faith, family, farm" (mainly because I'm addicted to alliteration!)... but it sounded too cliche.  And, besides, I can't promise that I'll write about ANY of those things on a consistent basis!  But, one thing is guaranteed:  I WILL make mistakes (folly) DAILY.  And, my prayer is that I will LEARN from those mistakes and will keep moving forward.  {Cue Rob Thomas, please.}

I really hate to do this, because I'm not always a fan when writers/speakers say, "Webster's defines _______ as...".  But, I think I want to make sure that *I* am being true to the definitions, so I'm sorry, dear reader, but I'm going to break my own self-imposed rule here:

Fortitude  is defined as "mental and emotional strength in facing difficulty, adversity, danger, or temptation courageously."

Folly is defined as "1. the state or quality of being foolish, lack of understanding or sense; 2. a foolish action, practice, idea; absurdity; 3. a costly and foolish undertaking; unwise investment or expenditure."

Fortitude and folly don't seem to be cohesive elements at first glance.  But, I can give you several real-life examples of how I have made MAJOR mistakes... but learned something valuable-- something that I could not have learned EXCEPT through my own folly.  Maybe I'll outline a few here.  [Trust me, if I keep this blogging-thing up for very long, I'll acquire many NEW examples along the way!]  ;)

The first HUGE example I can think of is my first marriage (or, as I like to refer to it: my "practice marriage")-- you know, the one that ended in the d-i-v-o-r-c-e?   It was definitely "folly" that got me INTO that relationship in the first place.  [And, I should note ahead-of-time that this will NOT be a "bash the ex" episode.  I still respect him as a person and will always hold him in high esteem.  What I am saying from this point forward will be solely about ME and MY decision-making process in regards to that relationship.]

I went INTO that relationship for many wrong reasons.  Despite many "red flags" along the way, I plowed on through because I thought I could overcome the issues we were facing.  What I didn't realize at the time is that you can't CHANGE another person; you can only change YOURSELF.  And, over the next three years, I DID change.  I became depressed, overweight, unsure of myself, and nearly insane.  Finally, we had a conversation that changed everything:  he declared that he did NOT want to have children; so I suggested we get a divorce.  A few weeks later, we did just that.   [the short version]

What did I learn from that experience?  Well, at first, I learned that I can't always trust my own instincts.  After I got over the grief, I went out and sowed a few wild oats.  [skipping many embarrassing details here, just in case my mom ever reads this!]  THEN, when I was tired of roaming aimlessly, I began thinking about getting into a relationship once again... and I asked myself what I TRULY desired in a mate.  I didn't have a full-blown "checklist" (although I don't think that's a BAD idea!), but I knew what I DIDN'T want, and I felt like I would *know* what a good relationship looked like, since I had already experienced what a good relationship does NOT look like.  So, I met my forever-husband, Dan, in what was then considered an unconventional way:  on the internet!

I know that I am BEYOND lucky when I tell you that my husband is PERFECT for me.  Not everyone gets it right-- not even the SECOND time around.  And, I'm not saying that HE is perfect or that our RELATIONSHIP is perfect, but he is the EXACT right mate for ME.  Our relationship is an ongoing work-in-progress, but, after 12+ years of marriage, I think we've found a groove that works.

So, what else did I learn/gain from my first (failed) marriage (folly)?  This:

1. I got to spend two years with my very best friend. Even though we were both going through separate struggles during that two years, it was one of the most FUN times of my entire life!  And it solidified our life-long friendship. [I'll write an entire post-- "All about Ricki" some other time!]
2. I gained a few MORE life-long friends that I wouldn't have otherwise gained because I moved to WA, a place that I would not have moved to, had I not gone through that failed relationship.
3. I learned to appreciate my extended family.  Now that I am back here in AR, I realize how much I had missed them.
4. I can recover from heartbreak.
5. I can stand on my own two feet.  
6. I can still LOVE. <3
7. I can forgive.

Well, it looks like I only got through ONE example of "folly" in this post... but it was a big one.  I'm sure I'll find reason to focus on more folly in the future.  {Have I mentioned that I love alliteration???}

What's up next?  I'm not sure yet!  Hopefully inspiration will come soon....

Tchau!

[I'm not Brazilian/Portuguese either.]